Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bullying


I do not know why I did not write about this before. I guess I was trying not to think about it because it was so painful and unavoidable. When I reported bullying to Human Resources of XYZ ( name not published because of the fear of reprisal) company in Toronto, I was told by HR person that she is an "expert on bullying". I knew right away that she was a bully herself, trying to convince me that I was not really bullied. She asked me: Do you know what bullying is? And I said: I know. The bullying is when you know that you are bullied. She was so hard trying to look professional, and I was so hard trying not to say anything bad about my boss, for whom I knew was the mastermind of the bullying plot. I read everywhere that it is not smart to say anything bad about your boss, even if he is a pure evil, so I followed that advice. Even more so, I said nice things about him, hoping, as any victim is always hoping, that this will elicit some empathy on his side. No, it did not happen. After I reported bullying the things got much worse. It was actually a group bullying, I called it mobbing, by three people that I sat with in the same cubicle. They were constantly taking turns in making personal remarks about me: how I talk to my son on the phone, how I say words, more subtle remarks but very clear to me that no matter what I do they will not show any respect for me and my good work and all the help I was offering to them. For me this all thing became somewhat exepriment "in vivo". I was saying things that I was hoping will improve the situation, showing interest in their shallow conversations, tried to share some stories that I thought will show to them that I am also a human being with a little bit different but similar interests and concerns as theirs. The only one thing I could not do, is to go to their level, because I cannot make fun of other's misfortunes. And when one of them commented on the death of the boy who run away from home over disupute with parents over xbox 360, when she referred to the dead boy as "that ass kid now knows better", I had to keep my mouth shut and bite my tongue, because whatever I wanted to say to her could not convey how much discusted I was with that comment. And so on, I could go on and on. If you do not understand by now what I am trying to say, just stop reading it here. Well, Human Resources came back to me with the conclusion that "there was no evidence of bullying". I said I would be suriprised if they found any. I resigned next day. Some will call it victory for the bully. I call it staying alive. Because, seriously, these people are so mean that they would not mind taking your life. It is true, and it is happening right now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dada

Stizu najnovije vesti iz Srbije: Dada Vujasinovic je NAJVEROVATNIJE ubijena. Vidim fotografiju sa uvidjaja, crno belu, Dadino telo blago povijeno, jedna ruka zgrcena, kao da je malo podignuta, usne u polozaju kao da nesto zele da kazu, otvorene oci: umrla je gledajuci. Da li su vrata bila zakljucana, ko je poslednji bio u stanu, ko je razbio luster, ciji su krvavi tragovi prstiju na fotelji, ko je stavio pusku pored nje, i da li je uopste pucano iz te puske. Zaglusena buka puske sacmarice u sitne sate u novobeogradskom bloku. Niko nije cuo pucanj.

Dani, meseci, godine otkucavaju u vremenu lazi i zla. Vlasti se smenjuju, ostaju isti ljudi na vlasti. Cesto mislim da niko nije vredan ni da pomene Dadino ime. Suze moje majke koja ne razume zasto je pisac napisao da je htela da se otruje tabletama. Pogresno shvacena rec, recenica, ne pomaze moje objasnjenje da je to knjizevna istina, da su oni koji su je ubili to vec insuinirali dovoljno puno puta, i da postoje i oni koji mozda veruju da je novinarka bila luda. Luda u nenormalnom vremenu. Normalan u normalnom vemenu. Cista matematika.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Kraj proizvodnje Juga


Trebalo je videti moju iznenadjenu facu kada sam jutros na putu ka poslu, u sabveju u Toronto Staru procitala da se Jugo vise nece proizvoditi u Kragujevcu. Kao prvo, ja sam mislila da je Jugo odavno vise ne proizvodi, i kao drugo saznanje da ce prestati da se proizvodi izazvalo je u meni neki cudan osecaj da, eto i taj poslednji proizvod drzave u kojoj sam rodjena vise nece postojati.




Tekst je napisan duhovito: zasto Jugo ima grejace na zadnjim prozorima, da se ogreju ruke dok ga gurate; sta su amortizeri na Jugu, njegovi putnici; i tako dalje. Iako se Jugo prodavao u Americi po ceni od 3990 dolara, i iako je ostao zapamcen kao najlosiji automobil svih vremena ( pa sta bi hteli za te pare!!!), ja sam, ipak nekako tuzna sto se Jugo vise ne proizvodi. Kazu Fijat je otkupio Zastavu i pravice Fijat Punto. Sigurna sam da ce se na prostorima bivse Jugoslavije jos dugo kotrljati Jugo u obiliku raznih krntija i dokazivati Amerikancima da je vaznije imati dusu nego pare.
Ziveo Jugo!!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Pad Krajine

4. avgusta 1995. sam bila u Beogradu. Secam se jasno da ni jedna televizijska stanica nije prenela vest da su se hiljade izbeglica iz Krajine slile u Srbiju. Izasla sam na autoput Beograd-Zagreb i nemo posmatrala nepreglednu, dugacku kolonu traktora. Nigde nikoga. Ceo Novi Beograd cuti. Sakrio se iza spustenih roletni. TV Pink ima odlican program: Ceca i Jelena, Pivo se hladi u frizideru. Kolone: cega, kakve kolone?, neki su me pitali. Ja sam totalno "pala u nesvest" kada mi je neko rekao da je sve to "njihova krivica" i da mi sa tim nemamo nikakve veze. To sto su oni dosli u Srbiju, na takav nacin, je valjda bila planirana turisticka poseta, u Milosevicevom aranzmanu.

Prvo sam mislila: dacu pare. Pa sam krenula autom po autoputu, ali to se pokazalo komplikovanijim nego sto sam ja zamisljala. Kolona je i dalje tuzno prolazila: sporo i naprono putovanje se nije zavrsavalo u Beogradu. Na izlazu sa Gazele je stajao policajac, koji traktorima nije dozvoljavao da skrenu sa autoputa. Mogli su samo napred, agonija se nastavljala, Beograd ih nije hteo.

Otisla sam u radnju: kupila hranu za bebe, pelene, spakovala nesto decije garderobe, i odnela sve u Crveni Krst. Uopste nisam bila uverena da ce sve to sto sam odnela stici do onih kojima sam ja to namenila. Atmosfera mracna da mracnija ne moze da bude. Svi se prave ludi, kao da se nista ne desava. Ja pocnjem da mislim da sa mnom nesto nije u redu. Moja bivsa svekrva mi to potvrdjuje. Ona volontira u Crvenom Krstu, i tvrdi da su svi dobili po veknu hleba!!!! I sta se ja tu sada petljam u nesto sto se mene uopste ne tice. Ima ko da vodi racuna o situaciji. Ja bolje da gledam svoja posla. Da nisam lepo vaspitana, svasta sam htela da joj kazem u vezi vekne hleba i situacije. Ali ona nije bila jedina. Svi, ali svi do jednog su se pravili blesavi. A ja, ja sam polako pocela da se osecam kao totalni stranac.

Pad Krajine, i patnja naroda u koloni, ucinila je da se mentalno totalno odvojim od Srbije, i da nikada vise ne pomislim na nostalgican nacin o Beogradu. Njegovi stanovnici, bez trunke empatije, bez trunke ljudskog saosecanja, bez trunke kajanja, bez trunke plemenitosti, su me zauvek izgubili.

I to nista nikada nece moci da promeni!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Radovan Karadzic

Recently I had a conversation with a Sarajevo siege (1992-1996) survivor. She vividly remembers snipers, constant shelling, some moments when she was not sure whether she should wait for death to come to her, or go towards it. In those moments, while deciding “to go, or not to go” outside, she was counting on her intuition. That was all she had to defend herself from the monsters on the hills.
Only a few days ago, and after 13 years in hiding, one of the most notorious perpetuators of some of the worst crimes against humanity, including the siege of Sarajevo, indicted war criminal Radovan Karadzic, was arrested in Belgrade. Living an inconspicuous life of an ordinary citizen, he was climbing the ladder in alternative medicine world, where he was accomplished member of the community. Nobody, even his closest friend, and neighbours, did not know who was hiding behind the “Santa Clause” beard.
Ironically, he already had been thought of as Santa Clause once before. It was in the interview that he gave to late Serbian journalist Dada Vujasinovic. This somewhat prophetic interview was published in Belgrade magazine “Duga” in November of 1992.
Long before the full impact of Radovan Karadzic actions were known to the world, and while he was still able to travel abroad, and attend international meetings on Bosnian war, Vujasinovic was able to paint a portrait or Radovan Karadzic as the politician, poet and psychiatrist, who was not shy to think of himself as a rebel from the mountains (hajduk), who was “creating a brand new state”. But when he decided not to be a “hajduk” anymore, Vujasinovic describes him as Santa Clause (Deda Mraz) who was willing to give some territories, held by Serbs, to Bosnians. He claimed at the time, that Serbs were in possession of 70 percent of territory in Bosnia, and they were willing to give back 20 percent. Vujasinovic was contemplating on this seemingly generous behavior: was it “generosity”, or sense of reality? After all, Serbian people constituted one third of population that was holding onto two thirds of territory, and Karadzic would have had a legitimate concern about how to keep those territories. But in Karadzic’s world there was little place for reality.
This depression prone man was already devoted to the idea of the “Great Serbia” that was masterminded in Belgrade. He was so convincing that, even in his doctor’s office, while treating others for depression, he would spread the ideas about Serbian “uebermensh”. Soon he started touring Bosnia and promoting the idea of Serbs as people who need to defend themselves lest history be repeated. Reminding Serbian people in Bosnia and Herzegovina of unthinkable atrocities committed in WWII by Ustashe (extremist Croatian army) who tortured and murdered thousands of Serbs, either in concentration camps, or by slashing their throats and throwing them in pits, became the tool to organize his followers, and fasten the nationalistic rule. He enlisted “help” from clergy of the Serbian Orthodox Church to organize proper burial of the victims of one of Ustashe’s atrocities in the tiny village of Prebilovci in Herzegovina, although in the fifty years following WWII the very same church showed little or no interest in commemorating the victims. “Ironically”, Dada Vujasinovic wrote, “this event, that was supposed to be dignified, turned out to become somewhat like a village fair.” Nevertheless, the goal was accomplished, and Radovan Karadzic “scored” more points in the world of those who glorified the martyrdom of the innocent Ustashe victims by using it to stir nationalistic and chauvinistic feelings. Later, these feelings will be used as a weapon to commit more crimes and to cause more deaths.
But the profile of Radovan Karadzic would not be complete if we did not mention his literary carrier. The self-proclaimed poet, as Vujasinovc wrote, was mediocre in his endeavors. Verses such a s: “He is lying now dead as such sheep’s skin, murdered without bullet or knife” were showing that his poetry lacked the depth and significance of great poets, and he was probably aware of that, somewhat like Salieri’s awareness of Mozart greatness. Nevertheless, Karadzic was not the kind of man who would admit that anything that he did was unacceptable, including his poetry, siege of Sarajevo, or how he treated his patients. Even to this day, he does not seem to show any remorse or feeling of guilt for the horrible atrocities committed under his rule.
Dada Vujasinovic wrote in the conclusion of her interview: “Time will show whether Karadzic chose the correct way to ‘protect’ his people, as well as whether he will be “hajduk”, Santa Clause, statesman, or something else”.
She did not know at that time, in 1992, but she was right: he became “something else”, an indicted war criminal.




About Dada Vujasinovic, author of “Hero of the wolf times” an in-depth interview with Radovan Karadzic, published in Belgrade magazine Duga, in November 1992.

Dada Vujasinovic was born in 1964 in former Yugoslavia. She became reporter with Belgrade magazine Duga in 1990. In her short, but turbulent carrier as a war reporter she was able to produce series of unbiased articles on the war in Croatia and Bosnia, and interviews, among which are two interviews with Radovan Karadzic: one in 1991 and second in 1992. She was also known as an investigative journalist, probing the connection between the war and criminals in Serbia. She was murdered in Belgrade in 1994. Her death was officially ruled by Milosevic regime as “suicide”. Recently new evidence was provided that undoubtfully point to murder. Investigation into her death was reopened several times in last 14 years, but no official results have not been published so far.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Graduation


Aleksandar is now graduate of Grade school. The name of his school is Bessborough Public School. It is more than 70 years old. Aleksandar attended Bessborough since he was grade 4. It is all together 5 years. The longest period that he belonged to one community. He was excited about graduation, and about the dance after. The dance was organized in the place called "Loots" on Bayview Avenue. When I came to pick him up, his tie was in the pocket of his jacket, that we had to look for, since he forgot where he left it. Well, just not used to wearing a jacket. He also thought that he lost the cell phone, but he did not. Everything was alright. He asked Taylor to dance with him. At first she said: Later, and then she said: No. I told him to keep on trying. One day the girl will dance with him, I am sure. But, for now, it must be very disappointing for him to encounter rejection from the girl that he really likes. We all know how it feels. Still, I try to instill in him: keep your friends close, but your family closer.

Congratulations Aleks!!!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Aleksandar

Why I am proud to be Aleksandar’s mother:

Because Aleksandar is generous and kind
Because he always tries hard to do his best
Because Aleksandar genuinely cares about those less fortunate than him
Because he is sincere and honest
Because he will go places
Because he is easy going and witty
Because he is my only son and I will always remember
How happy I was when I saw him for the first time.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND WONDERFUL SON!