What is your nationality?

I was asked the other day by someone what was my nationality. This is an excerpt from our conversation:

The person: "What is your nationality?"

Me: "Canadian."

The person: "But you have an accent."

Me: "So what?"

The end.

If you ever get the traffic ticket

And you want to fight it in the court. And when you get the court date, you realize that there is no way Hose that you can attend the trial, and you decide to go to postpone the court date here is what happens, and it is not as easy as it sounds, be prepared to spend few hours working on this one:

1. You go to 137 Edward Street where you wait in line to get the number so that you can file the motion to postpone the trial ( the affidavit that you cannot be present at the trial for whatever your reason is ).

2. You wait for about 1 hour before Customer Service rep calls your number

3. You have a lengthy conversation with the rep, who tells you that you have to be present in court to file your motion to postpone the trial, and you explain to the rep that there is no way Hose that you can be in the court on any given day before some time in May, and the rep goes to his supervisor, and comes back after 15 minutes (you have no idea where he went, while your parking is about to expire). Finally he tells you that it is alright, postpones that date, but you are not finished yet.

4. You have to go to the court where your trial was set, to the prosecutor's office and get it stamped ( it is unclear why because they just stamp the paper that you have to bring back to 137 Edward )

5. After you have your paper stamped you go back to 137 Edward and file your papers ( they call it you "serve" papers )

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you.

I in the mirror

This morning I looked at myself in the mirror. Like I do every morning, I guess. But this morning, I took a closer look, while holding my head with hands, "ironing" some of the deep wrinkles and looking straight in my eyes. Did I see a stranger for a moment? Less than a moment, for a split second. Who is that woman looking at me? What did I discover looking at her? How can I know her better, and accept her for who she is? This was just the beginning, I know now. On the road of letting things go, giving up attempts to control things that cannot be controlled by her ( by me ? ), accepting of reality ( car that is too old - born in 1993, not having enough money to buy two airfares to Europe, at age of 48 not having a stable career, not having any money saved for retirement...and so on - reality is pounding in my head like too loud drum).

Today is sunny day. It is cold, but it is sunny. It is very bright, very revealing. It would be nice day to go to the beach if it was summer. The summer was way too short. I remember the last day of summer, not by calendar, but by me, when I was sunbathing on my very own balcony. It was one day in September. I remember, I was thinking - this must be the last day of summer for me, I was trying to talk to the sun to go down a little bit slower, I was just making myself comfortable, my book was there ( something about Michael Jackson ), I applied sun tanning oil, my hands were oily, I wiped them on the towel, but sun did not listen to me. There is this big tree that was my enemy, because in less than half an hour the sun will reach it's branches. I love that tree for it leaves, but they are in my way now. The sun will soon be behind them leaving me to long for it's heat, it's caress, it's promise of beautiful sounds and smells of the beach ( even on my balcony, weird, isn't it?).

Anyway, worth mentioning is that I typed few times "son" instead "sun". My son gave me an assignment to read about Great Depression in his history book. He says: "You read first, so that you can help me do my assignment." That meant he was good at planning, and delegating work, and understanding the process. I think: he could become a manager right away. I cannot do that, I like to do work myself, I do not like to delegate, and I am not at ease when I give some work to be done for me by other people. I have no confidence that other people will do a good job, and that is not the trait of a leader. I am no leader, but my son is. He is not aware of that though, he just wants to make his life easier. Me to, that's why I do everything by myself. I cannot stand other people doing things that I can do: driving me, cooking for me, doing my hair, my nails, I do not know - I must be weird. However, I do not mind if my, I will call him husband, washes dishes. I love that. He is so detail oriented, the dishes sparkle after he washes them, and the sink is like new. I do not know how he does that. But, he is really good at that. Also he is good at folding laundry. He is actually an expert on that.

So, this is a little bit about me. I am a little bit disappointed that I discovered that some people I respect very much do not have the same set of values as I. But, hey, who says that my values are the best, except me of course. About my values, some other time, maybe. Maybe not?

Characteristics of good mental heath - reminder

• Ability to deal with daily chalenges and stress



• Enjoyment of life



• Feeling valued by others



• Good self-esteem



• Healthy relationships with others - family, friends, colleagues and community



• Maintaining a healthy lifestyle (e.g., avoiding alcohol and drug use)



• Optimism/hopefulness



• Sense of control and ability to influence change/make an impact



• Sense of purpose



• Personal balance between physical, mental, emotinal and spiritual

World Health Organization definition of health, in general:
"Health is a state of pysical, mental and social well being and not just absence of desease or infirmity."

Balm Beach fence

I remember Balm Beach with no fence. It was a beautiful, long, sandy beach, not far away from Toronto. About an hour and half drive north. Lovely, lovely beach. Fence was erected by, now infamous, Marion family who own waterfront cottage in this area of Township of Tiny. This ugly structure was burned, chainsawed and despised by people who strongly oppose this kind of behaviour: fencing the beach, disabling access to the water for beach goers. Although I disagree with any kind of violence and by no means condone persons who choose to use violence to accomplish their goal, which would be the fence removal, I also disagree with the Marion family in regards with their decision to put the fence on the beach. There must be a greater value than their right to protect their private property. That greater right is the right of people to continue using the beach as they have been for decades. No one has the right to disable the access to the lake water, because they are not the owners of the lake. The lake belongs to everyone who is willing to take care of it. I am hopeful that in the future, the movement for the fence removal will grow out of its "burnitchainsawit" faze and get a really good lawyer who will argue the Marion's family right to protect their private property under Trespass Act.

Here is the article published today in Toronto Star:
http://www.thestar.com/news/ontario/article/733357--homeowners-win-midland-fence-beach-brawl?bn=1

No news is not always good news

As the time goes by, and new things happen in our lives, we seem to forget and loose interest in the stories that are not in [I]the news.[/I] Our lives revolve around information that we get, mostly on TV. They will tell us when something is important to think about, and when it is not important anymore. The same applies to story about Mariam's disappearance. We saw waves of information, legions of media occupying the premises of FHCI, front of Mariam's building, place where the backpack was found, but just as long as there is something new and sensational to report about. And then, they are all gone. In the hunt for [I]new news.[/I] I am seriously disappointed with the level of journalism that was displayed in case of Mariam Makhniashvili. No one, and I will repeat no one took this seriously and to their heart. Sadly, most of our questions will stay unanswered, although they are not state secret. Did family indeed pass lie detector tests? Was it usual for Mariam to make last minute decisions such as changing her mind about what entrance she was going to use? Did she talk to anyone during her volunteer time with YMCA, or did she make any contact with anyone during their meetings? How often did she meet with other YMCA youth? Where were the meetings? Who accompanied her there? Do buildings along Shallmar have security cameras? What was her usual routine for lunch? Why did George think that she was ill and went home when he could not find her for lunch? What did make him to think that she was ill?

I have so many questions, and I know that we all have so many questions here. It takes one intelligent reporter to, at least get answers to some of those questions. But no, they choose to stay on the surface, and we can only guess and speculate. I have to admit it bothers me.

The need for debriefing

Debriefing is the term that is often used when it comes to the first responders (police, paramedics, firefighters) trauma, or, in a more peaceful setting, as a method to help psychological experiment participants to express their feelings around participation and to relieve the stress associated with that. Today when I heard that the police will be talking to each and every student in Forest Hill Collegiate, and after my own personal experience of being interviewed by police in connection with Mariam Makhniashvili disappearance, I started thinking immediately: will anyone debrief with the students, if they show need for that, after they are going to be interviewed by the police. Because, that is what I would want for my child, and anyone else, who may need it, too. No matter what anyone will say, and no matter how happy you are to help the police with their process, some of us may experience psychological trauma, and may need debriefing.

One of the definitions of debriefing sums it up: "A debriefing or psychological debriefing is a one-time, semi-structured conversation with an individual who has just experienced a stressful or traumatic event. In most cases, the purpose of debriefing is to reduce any possibility of psychological harm by informing people about their experience or allowing them to talk about it." (Wikipedia)

There are divided opinions about who much debriefing really helps. Those who claim that debriefing is not necessary and helpful say that people are resilient, more than we think. It may be true, but for sure it is not true for everyone.